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How to Use Chat Rooms to Find Romance


Chat rooms can be lively, entertaining places to meet new people. Take your time and learn the unwritten rules so that you can find friends without getting flamed.
 
Steps:
1.  Investigate a variety of chat rooms. Look at the chat areas provided by your online service or ISP, but also search for interesting Web sites that host chat sessions.
 
2.  Choose a few chat rooms in which you feel comfortable and just observe at first.
 
3.  Pick up the rhythm and spirit of the rooms you visit regularly but keep your initial comments brief and modest.
 
4.  Wait for the regulars to draw you out and teach you the rules. Ask them for advice or to recommend other chat rooms or forums where you might find like-minded folks.
 
5.  Make your views known more candidly as you become accepted.
 
6.  Offer humorous remarks if they seem appropriate.
 
7.  Read the personal profiles (if available) of the interesting people you meet during chat sessions.
 
8.  Send "instant messages" (if possible) to individuals you find intriguing, particularly if they appear to be potential romantic partners.
 
9.  Exchange e-mail addresses with possible romantic interests before leaving the chat room.
 
10.  Set up private chat sessions with people you find appealing. Send them e-mail to remind them about these "appointments."
 
11.  Make notes about the men/women you find most engaging and use them in subsequent chat sessions or when writing them e-mail.
 
12.  Keep the pace of promising online relationships slow when using chat sessions and e-mail to get to know your new friend.
 
 
Tips:
Avoid arguments in chat rooms.
 
Try not to focus on romance when chatting in groups. Romantic "prospects" often pop up in the midst of spirited or humorous chat sessions. They will be drawn to your comments if you concentrate on what's being said as well as who's in the room.
 
 
Warnings:
Many people enjoy insulting or "flaming" unsuspecting newcomers in chat rooms. Do not try to beat them at their own game. Either ignore them or fend them off with humor.
 

Remember that misrepresentation is common in cyberspace because it's so easy to do there.

 

How to Meet People Online

The Internet makes the world a little smaller with chat rooms, forums, and special interest groups. A toy soldier collector? A dahlia expert? With a little searching, chances are you'll find someone online who shares your passions and interests.
 
Birds of a Feather
 
Steps:
1.  Join an online service or Internet service provider.
 
2.  Explore the special-interest chat rooms and forums provided by your service or ISP.
 
3.  Use a search engine such as Yahoo.com or Google.com to widen your options. Find Web-based chat areas and forums that focus on your interests. For example, type "organic gardening" in the search box and hit enter. Then visit the Web sites that sound appealing. If you like games, use a search engine to find sites where other gamesters congregate and compete.
 
4.  Read the posts on message boards at intriguing Web sites and follow the "threads" about topics that interest you.
 
5.  Pick a site that attracts birds of your feather and spend some time there.
 
 
Tips:
Search engines save you time in finding good spots to meet folks with similar interests.
 
Ask online friends about other online meeting places.
 
 
Warnings:
Online addicts and people that engage in role-playing games often adopt fanciful personas that do not accurately reflect who they are. Try not to "fall in love" with a fictional character.
 
Settling In and Becoming a Regular
 
Steps:
1.  Let the veterans be your guides. Ask plenty of questions.
 
2.  Maintain a low profile and enjoy the interchange of ideas and comments.
 
3.  Be kind and avoid hostile exchanges.
 
4.  Make friends naturally. Do not seek romance aggressively.
 
5.  Encourage the longtime members to suggest possible matches for you.
 
6.  Use e-mail and private chat sessions to develop a friendship with a potential romantic partner.
 
7.  Start planning your first actual date only after trust has been established.
 
 
Tips:
Attend forum or chat room get-togethers to meet your new circle of friends.
 
Identify the group leaders and treat them with deference.
 
Learn the group's history and avoid hot-button issues that have caused trouble in the past.
 
 
Warnings:
Forums and chat rooms have pecking orders. Do not ignore them.
 
Most groups have certain members who have thin skin or hair-trigger tempers. Ask your trusted friends to warn you about the troublesome folks.
 
 

Chat rooms
Don't go into a chat room and get offended if you are not welcomed with open arms. There are a lot of people usually who have been there a long time. Do not demand attention, just naturally join into the conversations. You will be welcomed in time.

 

How to Find a Good Chat Room for Romance

Choose a solid Internet service provider; then find a room where the people are friendly, the views and interests expressed are similar to yours, and there is no pressure to become intimate too quickly.
 
Sensible Approach
 
Steps:
1.  Find a reliable Internet service provider or online service such as America Online, EarthLink, Microsoft Network or Prodigy Internet.
 
2.  Check out the service's chat areas. Find out how the chat rooms are labeled.
 
3.  Sample various rooms and get input about them from regulars.
 
4.  Avoid rooms where overt sexual comments or "flaming" (insults) are commonplace.
 
5.  Read the personal profiles of the participants.
 
6.  Settle into a room where you feel comfortable, and visit it regularly.
 
7.  Be patient, but always be on the lookout for potential love interests.
 
8.  Use e-mail and private chat sessions to get to know possible candidates for romance.
 
9.  Plan your first date, but only when trust and friendship have been established.
 
 
Tips:
Spend plenty of time investigating sites with chat areas. Some may be too superficial or sexually oriented for your tastes, but you will eventually find good spots to gab and make new friends.

Warnings:

Many chat rooms attract vicious individuals who enjoy "flaming" or purposely shocking newcomers. Be prepared for their outrageous antics, but don't let them drive you completely away from online communication.

Casting a Wider Net
 
Steps:
1.  Use your Internet service provider to access a major search engine such as Google, Yahoo!, or MSN.
 
2.  Search for chat areas associated with your interests. For example, type "cooking chat" in the search box and hit Enter.
 
3.  Visit Web sites that sound appealing. Try their chat rooms.
 
4.  Become a regular in a busy chat room.
 
5.  Read profiles of people you find appealing, or start a dialogue by sending someone an instant message or just talking during the open chat session.
 
6. 

Exchange e-mail addresses.

 

How to Pace an Online Romance

Only fools rush in. Let an online romance begin as a warm, entertaining friendship. Give it months to develop, not weeks or days.
 
Steps:
1.  Find a potential love interest online.
 
2.  Use chat sessions and e-mail to develop the new friendship.
 
3.  Interact in groups, not just in private chat rooms, and observe your partner's behavior when he or she communicates with others.
 
4.  Exchange photos with your cyber-sweetheart if the friendship goes well for a few weeks. Send them as files attached to e-mail or use P.O. addresses.
 
5.  Enjoy online flirtation, but avoid cyber-sex ("hot chat") if the relationship has lasting potential.
 
6.  Ask - and answer - probing questions about such things as religion, politics, marriage, child-rearing and career plans after you've developed a friendship.
 
7.  Try a telephone conversation with your partner after a month or two of friendly interaction. Generally, the man should reveal his number first.
 
8.  Plan a face-to-face meeting if the phone conversations go well.
 
9.  Get together in a public place, and keep your expectations reasonable.
 
 
Tips:
When you get a photo of your cyber-sweetheart, compare what you see to the self-description your partner offered you online.
 
Always use a post office box when exchanging "snail mail" with online pals.
 
A frivolous online friendship is not a good test of romantic potential. Discuss serious topics with your new flame, such as family backgrounds, education and personal passions.
 
 
Warnings:
Do not reveal your phone number or address to a stranger you have chatted with for a few hours. Because of the power "instant intimacy" can wield over a cyber-couple, people have a tendency to rush online relationships.
 

When arranging the initial meeting, pick a spot where lots of other people will be around, such as a restaurant or coffeehouse. Think of it as a blind date, and err on the side of caution. A person worth falling in love with will understand and appreciate your sensible behavior.

 

How to Decide to Share Your Phone Number Online

In cyberspace, misrepresentation is common. Take your time before revealing your address or phone number to an online sweetheart. If the relationship has real potential, your partner will understand and support your cautious approach.
 
Steps:
1.  Keep your cool when you discover a possible love interest online.
 
2.  Stick to e-mail and chat sessions, some in public rooms, for several weeks.
 
3.  Explore your partner's religious beliefs, politics, life goals and family obligations. Evaluate his or her willingness to offer specific responses to questions.
 
4.  Determine if he or she accepts any responsibility for failures in past relationships.
 
5.  Watch for exaggerations or evasiveness during chat sessions.
 
6.  Save your partner's e-mail and check it for contradictions as the weeks go by.
 
7.  Once you feel comfortable, ask if you can call the person's workplace. Explain that this step is just a precaution, but use the opportunity to verify your online partner's identity and honesty.
 
8.  Exchange phone numbers only when you are confident that your partner is trustworthy.
 
9.  Do not give the person your address until the two of you have actually met.
 
10.  Move on if at any point your intuition tells you to do so.
 
 
Tips:
Generally, men should be the first ones to reveal their phone numbers and addresses, but they need to be cautious as well.
 
When exchanging photos, send them as attachments to e-mail, fax them to workplaces, or mail them to post office boxes.
 
 
Warnings:
Always err on the side of caution. Impulsiveness has led naive online lovers into rapes, assaults, robberies and even murders. There is no rush.
 

If your partner criticizes you for going slowly and being hesitant to reveal your phone number and address, that's not a good sign. Your lover may actually be a "cyberpath."

 

How to Avoid Instant Intimacy Online

Instant intimacy can lead strangers to say they love each other after spending a few hours together online. Avoiding that syndrome takes vigilance and lots of willpower.
 
 
Steps:
1.  Keep the chat sessions and e-mail playful for the first month or so.
 
2.  Do some chatting in large groups to ease the romantic pressure on you and your love interest.
 
3.  Be on guard the moment you have romantic feelings about an online friend.
 
4.  Be sensible. Maintain a slow pace as the relationship develops.
 
5.  Wait at least a month before exchanging highly personal information.
 
6.  Make light of the "L" word until you're absolutely sure you want to use it with your new cyber friend.
 
7.  Remind your partner (and yourself) periodically of the power of unjustified intimacy, and that you cannot really know each other until you meet.
 
8.  Take a break from the relationship whenever it begins to feel like an addiction.
 
9.  Discuss the budding romance with friends and family.
 
10.  Mention your problems and struggles to your cyber friend when chatting or exchanging e-mail. In other words, show him or her the complete picture of your life.
 
11.  Set up a meeting in a public place to see if the two of you can pass the "chemistry test."
 
 
Tips:
If you're about to type something to your online friend that you would be too embarrassed to say in person, don't do it.
 
Use humor to lighten up the "heavy petting" that happens so often online.
 
Remember that men, in particular, open up more in cyber space than they do during face-to-face encounters. They probably cannot duplicate their online behavior during subsequent meetings in the 3-D world.
 
 
Warnings:

More than any other online phenomenon, instant intimacy causes people to do silly, unwise and sometimes dangerous things. They may fly thousands of miles to spend a week sharing a bed with a complete stranger or even break up a marriage to consummate their online relationship. Never underestimate the power of this cyber force.





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